A&E will no longer be burdened by its shameful artistic heritage.
A&E (formerly the Arts and Entertainment Network) is scheduled to abandon all artistic pretensions by Jan 2014, it was announced today.
“We’ve come a long way,” said network spokesperson Ken Wright. A&E certainly has.. When broadcasting began in 1984, A&E distinguished itself for its fine programing. There were classical music concerts featuring legendary conductor Leonard Bernstein, dramatic stage performances from prestigious venues and, of course, ballet live from New York’s Metropolitan Opera House. But times have changed.
“Ballet! Can you believe it!? Who watches that shit?” said Wright. “We put a stop to that crap, and switched to Bill Curtis doing half-hour profiles of mobsters and serial killers on American Justice. Now we have a full-court press of reality programming.
The First 48 features real-life murder and mayhem! We’ve shown such illuminating programing as Gene Simpson Family Jewels, and Dog the Bounty Hunter. Right now my favourite show is Storage Wars. People bid on cardboard boxes, and the guy that pays the most gets to open them!”
Wright has confirmed that the E in A&E still stands for “entertainment.” “But the A can stand for anything! Assassination, ass play, autoerotic asphyxiation! Anything you want!”
Are there exciting new shows coming this fall? “You bet!” said Wright.”
Keep an eye out for Crisis of Faith: Nuns in Heat and The Real Male Prostitutes of Dekalb Country. A&E also has a show in development that industry insiders believe could be a sleeper hit: Dumpster Diving, where the indigent compete to see who can find the most valuable contents in dumpsters. The winner gets use of an apartment for one year and a thousand-dollar gift certificate from ABC Liquors.
Want to learn how to evade bounty hunters while simultaneously helping this hungry Zebra journalist buy a coffee? Catch DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER Season 8 on Amazon: