Politically Correct Atlas 3: Canada

 

The world’s second largest country, Canada has a population density of less than 8 people per square mile…which is just as well, seeing as it’s citizens can’t stand each other because they are all so boring.   Proof of this can be found in the fact that a Canadian invented the paint roller.

 

Beaver

The Beaver is one of the many disgusting creatures, along with humans, that pollute Canada with their very presence. Fortunately, the beaver population was greatly reduced when it was discovered that beavers made excellent hats…although they require great oversight as, left to their own devices, they will just sit around all day farting and chewing on tree bark. Beavers are a bunch of indolent fucktards.

 

Fact # 1
Canada is the world’s 2nd largest country, but it has a very low population density. This is just as well, as they all hate each other and refuse to huddle for warmth.

Fact # 2
One of the most important inventions a Canadian ever made was the paint roller.

Fact # 3
Canada is both wealthy and boring. Scientists were investigating this fact, but they got distracted and went to study something else instead.

Fact # 4
Canada and The United States have had a long complex relationship where the USA says ‘Hey baby, you know you want it,” and Canada is, like, saying ‘no way, why don’t you go screw Mexico’ and then America is like ‘ok I will’ and then goes and screws Mexico and Canada doesn’t know what it wants right now but isn’t sure if she should feel relief, jealousy or envy.

Fact #5
‘O’ Canada’, was officially adopted as Canada’s national anthem in 1980. Prior to this, the unofficial anthem was ‘The Maple Leaf Forever’.  Musicians were delighted when O Canada became the Anthem, because playing maple leaf forever became tiresome even after just one hour.